I promise you that argument is a thing. Using the most pedestrian definition possible, I have them pretty frequently. Here is a quick rundown of the last few arguments I’ve experienced:

• With my husband. Issue: yucky food in the sink.
• With a stranger on Facebook. Issue: sexism, specifically against HRC, is a thing.
• With a cousin on Facebook. Issue: racism, specifically the use of the confederate flag in a Trump advertisement.
• With two of my close friends. Issue: why I argue on Facebook so much. Do I have unmet needs?

So what’s an argument? Each of these arguments involves conversations I have with other people about competing ideas on a given topic. The argument with my husband is a solid example: I am unhappy when there is yucky food in the sink because I like a clean sink and must touch yucky food in order to make cleanness happen. My husband, on the other hand, values the convenience of tossing food (pre-yuckiness) into the sink. So we could construe argument as the discourse emerging from our conflicting values on this topic.

But.

The argument happens because I want something (a clean sink) that I see my husband as precluding or impeding. But the real issue is perhaps my desire for a clean sink or perhaps my aversion to touching yucky food. Those are issues inside myself that I choose to externalize.

Let’s take a close look at one of my other recent arguments. A friend of mine posted an article about Hillary Rodham Clinton on Facebook. I read the article and the comments posted by friends of my friend (i.e. strangers). One of the commenters made some comments about HRC that contended that she is a lying liar and furthermore “shrill.” Also unqualified. I objected to the gendered nature of these comments and replied to his comments. My intention was to draw awareness to his (unconscious?) use of misogynist language in regard to HRC. This, as you might imagine, did not transpire in that manner. Although on the surface, this argument seems as though it is the discourse surrounding conflicting ideologies, once again the real issue is with me. I am the interpreter of those comments who is troubled by misogyny. My interpretation and my desire for someone else to be different than he is is at the root of the argument.

I don’t think I’m any closer to understanding what argument is. But I do have questions about whether it even has anything to do “competing ideologies” or “discourse.”